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The many commercials of Peyton Manning ranked
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The many commercials of Peyton Manning ranked

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SUNDAY, FEB. 7, 2016 PHOTOBen Margot/AP

As Peyton Manning retires from the NFL, we look back at his illustrious commercial career.

Peyton Manning may be retiring from the NFL, but his face won’t be disappearing from television screens anytime soon.

A man of many marketing strategies, Manning has proven he’ll advertise for just about anything — he’ll even throw in a quick pitch when he’s supposed to be celebrating a Super Bowl win.

The only problem is most of his commercials are hard to watch, a little like that interception he threw in Super Bowl 50. But in honor of The Sheriff’s retirement, it’s necessary they are reviewed, even if a few flags are thrown. So here are 10 Peyton Manning commercials on a scale from worst, to bad, to almost good.

PEYTON MANNING’S CAREER IN NUMBERS

(Worst)

Really high voice Peyton Manning

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DirecTV ran out of ideas.

Their alter-ego shtick has had some successes, but this one lacked in creativity and there wasn’t much acting Manning could do to change it.

There was potential in the barbershop quartet clip that evaporated when Manning’s fake voice started to sing “Camptown Races.” Letting the QB actually sing while hopped up on helium might have given this a boost.

Papa John’s Back to the Future

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LUPICA: ON THE FIELD, MANNING WAS HIS BEST

The pizza mogul should have gone back to the drawing board.

He takes Manning on a trip through the Papa John’s past for its 30 year anniversary and the quarterback is shown sitting on the edge of a retro car.

When Papa John busts out his pathetic version of moonwalking, Manning reminds him the moves aren’t cool, all while he himself raves about the benefits of 30 cent pizza. Seems like a throwing stones from a glass house type scenario.

Nationwide jingle

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He’s right; chicken parm does taste so good.

But hearing Manning hum the signature Nationwide jingle squeezes every bit of catchiness out of it. Still, it was marginally better than the barbershop quartet attempt.

The Manning family reads

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ATHLETES REACT TO MANNING’S RETIREMENT

Or at least they profess to.

In an ad campaign for the Barksdale Reading Institute, an actual good cause, the three pajama-clad Manning brothers lie in bed while their dad reads a bedtime story.

Peyton leans over the edge of the bunk bed to reprimand his younger brother, but the whole thing is too forced to have any real impact on adolescent reading habits. Opportunity missed.

(Bad)

Double Stuff Oreos

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The brothers were back in action for this one, grasping for laughs by voraciously licking the insides of America’s favorite cookie.

They join the Double Stuffed Racing League and are shown in a giant, empty stadium, prompting Eli to question what it’s all about.

“Hey bro, are we making a huge mistake?” he ruminates.

Peyton and Eli once raced to see who could lick the cream off an oreo faster.nlfcommercials/youtube

Peyton and Eli once raced to see who could lick the cream off an oreo faster.

Peyton swoops to the rescue with some big brother wisdom.

“No, we’re making history.”

Sprint

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Manning does more advertising for himself than for Sprint in this commercial, but neither party comes away with much pride.

Playing a Colts fan with a mustache, he says Sprint users might like watching Peyton Manning play with the new NFL mobile deal. He makes sure to mention that the real QB is 6’5″, 230 pounds.

Nerf

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There’s really very little for which Manning won’t canvass.

His pitch for the Nerf Vortex Ultra involved the record-breaking quarterback being out-thrown by a kid, despite telling reporters that “you have to be a pro to throw it that far.”

He needed one of those for Super Bowl 50.

(Almost good)

MasterCard

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“Cut that meat, cut that meat!”

We have to give some credit to Manning for chanting this in a credit card commercial where he plays cheerleader to seemingly mundane tasks.

It might have even helped him this season when he took a seat on the bench and cheered on backup Brock Osweiler for eight games.

Gatorade

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There’s nothing good about Peyton’s performance as a convenience store manager, but his subordinate really saves this commercial.

A woman with a hangover is barred from buying a Gatorade because she isn’t sweating, and Peyton has to enforce the rule.

He doesn’t have much of a sheriff’s authority as the boss, but the woman does end up doing yoga on the ground in front of the cash register.

DirecTV Fake music video

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This was so over the top awkward and at times cringeworthy, it’s actually capable of inducing a few chuckles.

Peyton and Eli collaborate to make “football on your phone” sound like the most innovative thing since gravity. They spew every hip hop music video cliché in the book, but their ridiculous costumes are just enough to make it all worthwhile.

The Manning brothers starred in an eccentric fake music video called "Football on Your Phone."DIRECTV/via Youtube

The Manning brothers starred in an eccentric fake music video called “Football on Your Phone.”

schiusano@nydailynews.com

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